I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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