Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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