My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
