Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
sex in a hospital.. check
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
