I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
