doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
