This is not my ceiling
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
