Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
