Barsexuality is the new black.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
