Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
