dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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