I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
