So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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