remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
