i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
