that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
