I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
