dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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