my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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