Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
