I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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