I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
