You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You need a sexual gate keeper
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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