Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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