Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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