You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
