fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
