last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
