Already got asked if we're dating
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
