"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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