On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
