Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
