Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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