No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
