Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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