Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
