So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
