You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
