new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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