She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
