i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
