Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
