Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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