My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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