OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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