the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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