the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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