Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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