That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
