Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
