Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
