Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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