If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
