I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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